Several parenting issues were in the news and on talk shows this week. There was the story of the mom from B.C. who felt shamed by a United Airlines flight attendant when she began breastfeeding her five month son without covering her baby’s head with a blanket. According to Kristen Hilderman, he "tossed a blanket at (her husband) and said tersely: 'Are you two together? Then here, help her out.'"
On the other end of the spectrum, the Financial Post reported that one out of three baby boomers were still financially supporting their children and putting their retirement savings at risk. “We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place,” one mother of an adult child lamented, “because we want our kids to be happy.”
But the most provocative parenting news item this week was the suggestion that too much parental praise can turn children into narcissistic little monsters. Researchers in the U.S. and The Netherlands observed, “When children are seen by their parents as being more special and more entitled than other children, they may internalize the view that they are superior individuals, a view that is at the core of narcissism.”
On the issue of breastfeeding, I defend discrete breast feeding in public areas. On an airplane, given the choice between a crying child or a baby contentedly drinking his mother’s milk, breastfeeding is an obvious win-win for the parents, the passengers and the child. There is certainly nothing “gross” about it, as one new mom that we know was recently told. The body, after all, is a beautiful temple of the Holy Spirit and its natural ability to provide nutrients to a child should be admired, not judged.
As for assisting adult children, it helps to distinguish temporary necessary support and prolonged unnecessary dependence. An education, a recession, an illness or injury, or a divorce – these are difficult times when family must help. The apostle Paul felt strongly about this, telling Timothy, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (I Timothy 5:8). But don’t let your help harm your children’s ability to support themselves. Feeding must be followed by weaning, whether you’re talking milk or money. That’s where courageous conversations about clear expectations and solid deadlines come in.
The child praising issue is perhaps the most emotional parenting topic of the three because we treasure our kids and trash the days when compliments were rarely heard at home or in school. But have we overdone it by overvaluing our children?
Actually, you can’t overvalue or encourage your child too much. Your children need to know that you are their biggest fans. As God’s image bearers, each child should live safe in the knowledge that they are loved by the Lord and loved by you. So praise them. And never compare them negatively to siblings or peers with different gifts.
But let’s not overdo it. Think of all the American Idol hopefuls who are genuinely shocked to hear that they can’t carry a tune because their parents always told them how great they were. Encourage your kids to do their best with their God-given talents. Praise their efforts. Tell them they’re special to you. But don’t tell them that they’re more special than anybody else. Disney has already given us more princes and princesses than we can handle. Remember the patriarch Jacob who learned the hard way how harmful favouritism can be!
Parenting isn’t easy, as these newsworthy issues demonstrated this week. But with the Lord’s help and the support of others, it is still one of the most rewarding things that you can do.
Next to grand-parenting, that is!
- Pastor Peter
On the other end of the spectrum, the Financial Post reported that one out of three baby boomers were still financially supporting their children and putting their retirement savings at risk. “We’re stuck between a rock and a hard place,” one mother of an adult child lamented, “because we want our kids to be happy.”
But the most provocative parenting news item this week was the suggestion that too much parental praise can turn children into narcissistic little monsters. Researchers in the U.S. and The Netherlands observed, “When children are seen by their parents as being more special and more entitled than other children, they may internalize the view that they are superior individuals, a view that is at the core of narcissism.”
On the issue of breastfeeding, I defend discrete breast feeding in public areas. On an airplane, given the choice between a crying child or a baby contentedly drinking his mother’s milk, breastfeeding is an obvious win-win for the parents, the passengers and the child. There is certainly nothing “gross” about it, as one new mom that we know was recently told. The body, after all, is a beautiful temple of the Holy Spirit and its natural ability to provide nutrients to a child should be admired, not judged.
As for assisting adult children, it helps to distinguish temporary necessary support and prolonged unnecessary dependence. An education, a recession, an illness or injury, or a divorce – these are difficult times when family must help. The apostle Paul felt strongly about this, telling Timothy, “If anyone does not provide for his relatives, and especially for his immediate family, he has denied the faith and is worse than an unbeliever” (I Timothy 5:8). But don’t let your help harm your children’s ability to support themselves. Feeding must be followed by weaning, whether you’re talking milk or money. That’s where courageous conversations about clear expectations and solid deadlines come in.
The child praising issue is perhaps the most emotional parenting topic of the three because we treasure our kids and trash the days when compliments were rarely heard at home or in school. But have we overdone it by overvaluing our children?
Actually, you can’t overvalue or encourage your child too much. Your children need to know that you are their biggest fans. As God’s image bearers, each child should live safe in the knowledge that they are loved by the Lord and loved by you. So praise them. And never compare them negatively to siblings or peers with different gifts.
But let’s not overdo it. Think of all the American Idol hopefuls who are genuinely shocked to hear that they can’t carry a tune because their parents always told them how great they were. Encourage your kids to do their best with their God-given talents. Praise their efforts. Tell them they’re special to you. But don’t tell them that they’re more special than anybody else. Disney has already given us more princes and princesses than we can handle. Remember the patriarch Jacob who learned the hard way how harmful favouritism can be!
Parenting isn’t easy, as these newsworthy issues demonstrated this week. But with the Lord’s help and the support of others, it is still one of the most rewarding things that you can do.
Next to grand-parenting, that is!
- Pastor Peter
Comments
Post a Comment